from the mysterious feet "guess who?" post question:
it's the alien ballerina! but actually it's me, taking a stretch from my stocking-ed legs. :)

hung-over from yesterday's festivities (and from staying up waaay late), i had a deep slumber that lasted till the whole morning. and today has been EXTREMELY HOT. it felt like being in a big oven, heated over and sweating like a hog. i suspect the temperature's around 36 degrees C today... and i can't stand it! so if this sucks, what more in hell -- my premier destination? smokin'!

i decided not to watch a big half of "amazing race 7" tonight, part of my broken-heartedness about the 'susan and patrick' team being eliminated last week. damn! and i thought they could manage to survive till the top 3! (moreover, they're a sweet team... sugar and spice... yin and yang... and they work well despite conflicting personalities. and oh, i think patrick would make a great bf. if it weren't for the fact that he's gay.) and i just hate, no, LOATHE rob and amber. they're cunning assholes! they're competitive in a way that they are greedy, self-righteous and lyin' bitchin' bastards. i hope they'll die in a pool of manure. ahem, here's my 'sweetiekins' phil keoghan:

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guess who?

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~ TWO BIG REASONS TO CELEBRATE TODAY: ~

DAD'S BIRTHDAY BASH!!! .... AND MOI'S HS GRADUATION!!!!

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today is the day of happy mammals.... there is a big smorgasbord... cornucopia... juice of love (ahem!) ... an outpouring of jubilance and celebration everywhere! but of course! it is THE DAY! everyone, i'm very sure, has been looking forward to this day (sans the anticipation sagging with the practices). well i must congratulate the whole bunch of the 33rd graduating batch of SJCS!!! we made it! cheers! ***clinks of champagne, cabernet and pinot noirs all over the (imagi)nation***

today has been quite exhausting BUT fulfilling. i wasn't in my weep mode as i thought i would have been... it felt like it was some kind of tea party where you never thought you'd ACTUALLY LEAVE... maybe i am just odd. i will say that i will miss this place, but my heart doesn't feel like it. chilling...

but, a factoid: i am so thankful to god that i graduated. i am no longer in sjcs as a student, but rather as an ALUMNA. promotion!

maybe 'awhile ago' will be the very last time i've spent with my friends, my classmates, people i've come across but never came close to. maybe 'awhile ago' is the last time i'll see my teachers' faces... their dirty looks too... maybe i will never experience this taken-for-granted moments... it has not spammed me yet, but soon it will run its course. again, i would like to thank anyone and everyone who has ever been a part of my life in these many wunderbahr years! HAPPY GRADUATION SENIORS!!!! :D

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~This Parting Will~
Seniors '05 Grad Theme!

To you I bestow this parting will
Wishing not to leave yet I must, but still
A part of me is with you today
For that is my gift to you who will stay

I leave you my life for when life is down
Reminding to look not to life, but to Him
For He is my hope in the storm
So I lift my faith
To lead us to dry shores
Help us soar up high..

I leave you this faith, this is all I can give
So that you will have a good life to live
And so I stand here, ready to fly
Wherever the Lord might send, there's my star..

Oh, when hope seems too few
Knowing that things aren't in vain
God will guide us His way..

To lead us to dry shores
Help us soar up high..
Soar up high..

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nothing much happened today. though i want to complain about the damned heat, i will save that for a future ranting (coming soon!)

in the spirit and air of graduation (mine, which will be TOMORROW -- not psyched at all, but with a little menacing twinkle in the eye that "yes!!! i am finally free! freedom is mine..." ) i will post my last article in the judenites, about leaving

my darling alma mater. read and weep.

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A Sentimental Journey

"It's finally over..."

Thoughts like these were recurrent to me exactly after we seniors took our final periodical exam in that fateful 5th of March. A part of me wanted to scream and yell because, at last, it's really the last time we had to put our noses to the grindstone in SJCS (pardon my pathetic attempt in comedy for my last article). One side of my brain, however, cautions me not to let all my emotions run wild - not after I've sweated out myself tensely filling the blanks in our Hua Wun test, and the grave thought about attending the strenuous graduation practices for the next thirteen days. But well, by the time you're reading this, I would have been crying buckets of tears as we don that toga and lift that little tassel sideways.

Graduation... I never imagined that I'd actually (and eventually) be at this stage of my Judenite life. Thirteen years (this is not a cliche...) was such a breeze! When I was in my preparatory years and my two front teeth haven't grown yet, I used to look up in awe and envy those tall guys with books and typewriters in tow, and those necktie-d ladies with big smiles on their faces. They seem to have a lot of activities and they also seem to enjoy. I wondered whether I would look and be like them when I'm at their age. Now, at around 1.3 feet taller and with a relative tinge of experience, I'd definitely say YES.

I admit I may be a little short on memory (uh, what's your name again?), but that doesn't prevent me to remember at least some of the most unforgettable moments I've spent here in SJCS: The very first day of school, when I was with my mom, feeling dreadful when all the sights and sounds sensed were crying children (but I didn't cry haha! =Þ) ... The time I hid under the little table (conscious that I'd still be seen!) when my teacher asked me to act out for our drama lesson in Prep and I really, really didn't want to (hence, the shyness...) ... The very first poem I submitted to the Judenites about my mini personal computer when I was in Grade One (it wasn't published... but here I am!) ... The first major embarrassment I had about incomplete uniforms (ha!)... My first taste of success, with spelling (it was a long time ago but it still makes me want to dream)... Our grade school graduation ... The shift (or beginner's guide?!) to secondary education (and still I don't know what the 'transmutation system' really is, and the basis for the curriculum units =p) ... The first time I got appointed as a class officer ... The long, laborious nights of putting (or more aptly, squeezing) into memory 5-6 pages of Chinese lexicon and more (that usually prompts me to eat a lot of midnight snacks!)... The jitters before taking a math test (and further fretting on the results thereafter!) ... Attending the required Thursday activities (for GSP & CAT) ... Yelling like crazy in the past few Sportsfests ... The prom/s, where you meet gorgeous compadres and stunning la chicas and have a grand time yourself ... And my rather unforgettable gig last Teacher's Day (after a decade-long 'stage fright' hiatus since first grade, it's not everyday that I wear tubes and wiggle in front of a huge audience)!

We all have our share of what makes our stay here in Saint Jude worthwhile and cherished for I guess, time immemorial! And of course, there are the little but precious moments we spend... we might have overlooked these things, but I guarantee these same moments are the ones that makes us most fulfilled and gives us the reason to live and dream... the (subtly crazy) times we spend with our dear friends, heartily joining in the class' laughter because of some inside joke, sending smiles (and receiving too) when you meet people at the corridor, the mini-chats while idly waiting for any vacancy in the Favorite Pitstop (you should know what I mean =D), teachers giving you a nod and grin for doing a pretty good job, the knowledge that you've made someone's day, feeling at ease knowing your friends are there for you through all the hardship... and many more.

People say that high school is one of the most gratifying and significant events in life you could ever encounter... and I'd have to say the same. It has been a fantastic whirlwind of a journey and it has definitely got me feeling surreal! To you guys who have yet a few more years to tarry in school, my advice is make the most of this time to be the best that you can be! Don't let anything (or yourself) hold you back from things you might regret not doing in the future.

Let me take this chance to thank the people who have mattered a lot and have made my 'scholastic voyage' (!) most meaningful (and this is no Oscar-winning speech...):

Without God's guidance, I don't think I could ever have surpassed the travails and obstacles that came across, and so I thank Him for many times I've been in the dark and He was always there to get me through.

My parents, for being a wonderful set of folks who constantly support me in everything I do. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

To all my teachers / advisers / mentors, thank you for imparting to us students your knowledge, your enthusiasm and your fortitude. You have motivated me to improve myself further, to not make the same mistakes (although I still glitch once in a while!), and to become a more refined individual.

To (most especially) the Judenites and the Drama Guild, two organizations that have served as base for my creative self-expression, I am truly honored to be part of such esteemed company. Thank heavens that I've met new people, good friends, and great memories to live by!

To my batch... I couldn't have asked a better bunch of people than this! Time has weathered us quite a bit, but we're still baby-faced (haha!) and still persevering! I am so proud to be part of a brilliant, winning batch... thanks for the shared history and may we achieve success in all our future endeavors!

To my classmates, thank you for making my last year unforgettable... from the retreat to the simulation and many other fun activities, each has made 4A more close-knit than ever imagined! I will always remember the fun, the acceptance, and the warmth... the good and bad times our class shared and managed together... I'll miss you!

And to my friends, I have been so blessed to have met you. Thank you for the times we've spent in laughter, in madness, in tears (of joy?!), and in quiet understanding. You have been my support group, stress relievers, chatterboxes and more... I am so indebted. (mwah!) I hope we can all gather sometime after our short parting here... keep in touch!

Now that I've said all my merci beaucoups, I guess it's time to bid au revoir... but I know the journey will never be ceased. We still have more roads to tread, and however vague the path to success may be (for now), we'll be taking it one step at a time.

Thanks again, and ciao!

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i went today to my grandma's, and today's visit would undeniably mean the start of another summer season of JL-"juan luna" (made it sound like tv show huh? man, if you knew...) not that it was dreadful or anything, but most of the time i am very unproductive (as if i really am productive!) and spend my days there slobbing, lying down and everything. i'm not a talkie or the affectionate kind, and that explains half of my staying in mundanity. the half? well, as the atmosphere of good ol' King Sloth surrounded and clouded my vision, i DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. no summer activities... i might thumb myself, remotely (but still a little!) interested on something my aunt wants me to take up (i just wonder if that would end up in vain. decisions, decisions...)

but my stays (for the record, i *think* i've spent endless summers in jl for around 6 years already...) aren't that boring. i don't intend to, but usually there ARE those moments where you might as well stare at the ceiling for lack of pleasurable activity... and YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SLEEP!) there's the tv, where you can take the delight of viewing cable: cnn, hbo, etc, several channels that feature something good (IF you, by destiny or chance are in the right show at the right time). i don't really watch cnn anymore these days (but back in the days of the gore-bush thing, or 'radar-ing' for cute old journalists, i devoted -almost- my entire tv time to cnn or fox that the network logo was near to being permanently etched on the television). hbo is fine but usually shows vaguely interesting flicks, or the movies i've already seen and i don't really want to see again. etc is heaven-sent particularly for "queer eye for the straight guy" (oooh ted!) and "late night w/ conan o'brien" (and sometimes "snl"), and the inanely addictive dating shows... but (again) i don't go for too much comedy or trying to catch the drama series (sorry adam!)

throughout the days i thought in idle intervals that there's nothing really good about cable, i stumbled upon WoWoW. it's a japanese channel that plays mostly english (and sometimes french) movies, and to tell you frankly it's a wonderful delight. it IS a lot better than hbo because wowow plays more recent films (maybe 2 years old from release) and they showcase it only once, whereas on hbo you will see "kazaam" four-six times in two to three weeks. and wowow does csi for me before lunch, and you know that's my favorite tv show. i seriously think wowow is meant for bored summer grumblers like me. it gives you a sense of wondrous fulfillment when it shows something you absolutely have been dying to watch. which leads us, in one way, to my main topic of discussion...

over the course of today's wowow viewing, i saw that they were listing the movies they'd feature in april. since i can't read japanese, i just looked at what they were going to dish out... and eerily (nah!) enough, i caught myself ogling at the split-second scenes of "love actually", when i didn't catch when they were going to present it. darn! I WANT TO WATCH "LOVE ACTUALLY"!!!! i hope they don't show it only once... please... it's like My Favorite Movie That I Never Watched. i really don't know why i am so into this film. i've been itching to catch the movie when it came to the shore but never got the chance to (bad homework and the fact it played here in manille so briefly.. or maybe because my folks didn't want to watch it... arrgh). hugh grant. colin firth. alan rickman. liam neeson. rowan atkinson? (ha!) save for the last (please i didn't say anything!), i WANT to watch these men and drool over their celluloids. badly. i was driven into temptation last saturday when i *chanced upon* (honestly!) a movieplay of "Love Actually" by richard curtis (the writer/director) in national... i spent my time savoring the book, reading the scripts, looking at the pictures (especially with the dancing hugh picture... totally sweeping), and smiling at the answers in the "love questionnaire" with the cast at the back... i paid much attention to alan's (he is SO extremely beautiful..) when asked who would he like as his naked stand-in, his answer was "anyone liam neeson says. or liam neeson. whatever." ... then the question, is love really all around?: "no. love is a piece of shite." (or something like that. i just remembered the "shite" word, which was totally cute of him) his favorite romantic movie is "the philadelphia story" (great selection), he at 10 once fell in love with an 'Angela', "who had long blonde hair and was 15", and he didn't want to sleep with any UK prime minister. (many others said "winston churchill"... one said 'you'd just stay there all night in bed. hence, he won't do any damage to you'..) what a sweetie!

but the fact of the matter still is: I WANT TO WATCH LOVE ACTUALLY! if it does come by serendipitously to me, then love is truly a wonderful thing. hallelujah. :)

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ah! finally! i got to fix up my blog and enhance it, fill in the spots and make it a little more comfy. see the difference? thanks indeed to Blogger Help.

tonight's dilemma: will i watch "meet the parents" or "the lord of the rings"? see both, but watch 'parents' more because i am tired of seeing the gay guys of the fellowship (not anything, but the FEELINGS are OBVIOUS! haha!)

and if you're wondering why that gorgeous photo's in here, well, i'm just posting it (adds variety to the blog doesn't it?) it's my favorite movie of the moment (the phantom of the opera) featuring a luscious (albeit bad-hairdo'd) hunk (patrick wilson). enjoy!

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mum & i went to my destined university, uste, for the thrill and terror (and the sake, of course) of my would-be daily commuting to school come june. i wasn't that jittery, i feel 'kinda' experienced, but the situation of having to take 3 jeeps to and fro in not-so-familiar territory was quite something to reckon with. the university was mainly closed, save for the church inside, so we were able still to get inside and see my frickin name on the Qualified(!) list on commerce and copy the goddamn tuition/fees list. the place was big, it was hot and i was sweating, nearly slipping from hunger. anyway, this will be my fate, i will just have to accept it. it was pretty sweet nevertheless, i'm supposing myself on the 11am-3pm sked, and NOT on the 7-11am morning rush, because i extremely hate waking up early on 5 (like i did on sjcs) and find out the whole uste's flooded with flood and who knows what. i don't want the prospect of soaking myself (if it rains), or get robbed (in the very early morning), or wail from agony (if the car breaks down along a trafficked street 10 miles from school... which WILL happen soon), or face my other fear (meeting zorro?!). i wish i'll meet my friends too there.

the other 'fun' thing i did today was to eat, and have a slice of heaven (or near-hell?!) with people poking on my face for my acne treatment. i DO NOT have bad acne, it's just the bad allergy caused by rubbing that f*d green apple wash (which oughta tell me before that it stanked with the smell resembling shopping mall toilet cleaners!). well, four days left before graduation! :)

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Paper Bag by Fiona Apple

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

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today, i will make a BIG promise.

i will start my new blog, and never end it. until the next schoolyear starts, that is.

might be too simple for you, but heck, it's actually a huge undertaking. i have left 4 past blogs lying in the dust. so if i get through this one, there IS still a god...

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