for crying out loud, i'm sick and tired of myself!

nothing seems to be going right for me these past few weeks/months as the bumbling 2nd year idiot savant. my academics have all gone berserk, i couldn't catch up with my batchmates on lessons, i screw up too easily on trivial things that everything else gets affected and all goes up in smoke. i'm lagging terribly behind... must it be because I'M TOO COMPLACENT? to define:

com'pla'cen'cy (n.) not giving a damn. feeling too at ease.
i hate to admit but i'm still procrastinating, only worse. last year it wasn't that bad when i was in the midday class. now that i'm up in the morning, time seem to stretch so long i'd take my time, and get awfully languid by the time i'd do my homework. in some days i'd get a little more diligent but the test results would somewhat still be the same old ****.

concerning this matter, i doubt my capacity being an accountancy student more often than not. can i even get past this semester without failing (or getting the coveted 2.5 & above GWA)? maybe i can. but the tougher challenge will be if i would be able to graduate in this college without incurring any deficiencies.. sometimes i think, maybe if i were back at commerce i probably wouldn't feel like this because the expectation of students excelling would (at least) be less threatening than with our lovable college.

ah, expectations. don't even get me started with that.

i even wonder "why the hell am i here? did i actually pass the QE or was it just sheer luck?" because i'm too dumb to even be in a 'top-tier' section (as they would like to think) and i'm too dumb to be here ... i'm fucking falling off the cliff!

our prof (in response to my rambling thoughts) gave us some kind of a pep talk just after the prelim exams, about moving on and improving. she said (to paraphrase) that it was already a big first step when we were able to get into this college (passing the QEs), that it showed we had more potential than others... so being one, we should enhance this potential to become the best. everybody is your competition. NEVER BE COMPLACENT, DON'T SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRITY. and some more things about expectations... ;P

and to extract wisdom from my friend des (with regards to 'trying to cram these crazy lessons into your head'): "THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! THINK WORK! THINK... MONEY!" $$$$$!!! (thanks lovely!)

finding redemption, if there's any left...

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please, don't ask me how my week went. i can only HOPE it went fine.

*gritting,biting gnashing my fingers*

well, on the lighter side ~~ i got to watch Amelie (french title Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain) starring our lovely Audrey. it's a pretty sweet film, funny and crazy at the same time. the movie is somewhat a viewfinder, magnifying people's little eccentricities & idiosyncrasies that color the parisian spectrum (kinda applies to our world too). it's simple, witty, and very much delightful. the effects are sooo cute! ("amelie" also stars mathieu kassovitz, the curly redhead gadget whiz from "munich"... he's quite handsome ~*heh*)

and this film has spawned an internet hoax!
'the teddy bear cloud by God' was actually lifted from 'amelie'! :


for those who have watched the movie, it was impossible to miss -- the scene where the young amelie had her new instamatic camera that she took pictures all day? there was also a "rabbit cloud"... but anyway this made the cut. so "amelie" IS famous, in a clever sort of way. :p hello to everyone! :D

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...i promised myself not to succumb to pleasurable indulgence this week (no internet. and ok, a little tv) as i'm thrusting into preliminary hell starting wednesday. it's good that i'll be able to study for 3 days (no classes!) focusing especially on my favorite subject. i really hate it that i can't seem to get a good grade on "A"... i've been flunking it, for heaven's sake! i hope to make up for it, just let me try... :|

(a little inspiration for the wallabies... have a merry midterm week everybody!)

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Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest, if you must - but don't you quit

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow
You might succeed with another blow

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that YOU MUST NOT QUIT!

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