dang. i haven't blogged in such a long, long, long, long time (i'm supposed to be imitating Zhang Ziyi in Memoirs of a Geisha, get it?) and i miss the feeling. it's funny i only have four posts this month, including this. the first march entries don't even count because they were just 'filler posts' (march 4's library frustration and march 11's preempted post) ... i 'forced' myself to do the 25th because it's the blog anniv. HAVE I FORGOTTEN YOU?! well apparently not, no love's lost!

since last month it has been one hell of a ride for me... when professors bombard you with daily quizzes, and quirky deadlines of project papers you're supposed to sensibly create in the span of a week! and the finals! i feel like my senses don't function normally anymore after all this. wrapping up the bad/good stuff:

1) madness when the computer cracks
the worry and wonder if your pc's breathing its last (i haven't got a secret name for this guy, hmmm) just horrifies me. so when it did last february 26, i almost *suffered* a nervous breakdown... failing some tests, failing to show up for our 2nd-to-the-last volleyball class, failing to sleep soundly and eat well. i almost failed to report for our theology presentation if it were not for saving the files before the crash. arrgh. i have tried fixing it up myself, but to no avail. it was a most disturbing 18 days. we had to SOS just in time so i could do my finals papers (thank you, mom.) ... so last march 9 the technician got it all cleaned up -- turns out there was no memory collapse or hard disk crash or anything, just plain effing DIRT! (imagine, fixing the video card using a pencil eraser? boy that's unusual...) hope this fix-up's not temporary though.

2) be-head-ing off into the sunset
as i've told you, i was unanimously chosen leader of our little 'support-peer' kind of group in theology even if i didn't want to take on the title. (oh hell, i'm not a saint -- though people would like to think of me as that!) i hate being in charge of stuff, but oh well i tried... our little gatherings / sharings were passable, sometimes i feel that it's so strained and i'm bothered of my inefficience. maybe it's me. but anyways, the craziest part of being the head was to organize and present our graded report... we were assigned as the last group to do that, so early in the semester we were pretty relaxed, without a care to what we're supposed to do. till february rolled by did the panic came. i started assigning the parts of our report equally (done in ms powerpoint) to the eight of us. it's pretty fine, until the computer broke a week before we presented it. the heavens fell down on me! it was a good thing though that i was able to save my work and nothing horrible was omitted. (i even included a pic of Pope John Paul II wearing shades and Pope Benedict XVI's feet in prada!) still, i was heavily affected by the 'technical malfunction'... i was thinking we wouldn't be able to do the presentation well, but then with the persistence of my fellow groupmates, we were able to fix and consolidate our reports into a whole... the night before the d-day, i toted the group's reports in diskettes, went to a computer shop and for one hour, i was hysterical compiling the group report (where the * do i insert this? aahhh!) while simultaneously doing my other project. i was also thinking of the quizzes i would be taking that time... things didn't seem to go right! i wasn't even prepared for my own discussion, who says i'm the leader? but time passed and we just *had* to do what we have to. i was freaking at the last-minute editing before the class started. the report, as it happened, was doing so-so in my opinion (i guess we were boring the heck out of everyone because our report was full of this and that and dogmatic terms and hallowed stuff.) my turn came and i was stunted speechless... of all the times... i was literally rolling off my words, dictating the stuff in the 'cheat sheet' i was holding, reading the lines in my powerpoint, having had nothing new to say, and haphazard explanations. i even put my hands on my mouth -- in front of the class! that was such a psycho act. after our report was done, our prof proceeded to ask 3 questions to us, 2 of which (as the 'head' -- arrgh) i answered with lackluster. the fun part of the whole thing was that our prof (didn't know if he was teasing the seriousness out of us) was impressed with our freaking work! he said so "honestly" that it was "good" and "substantial" and asked whether we could give him our report. oh sure. joking or not, that kept me in good spirits for quite a while. at last -- the tough part was done! i'd like to give credit to my groupmates -- wouldn't know what to do without their persistence, cooperation and encouragement. *bow*

3) a blessing in disguise
another thing that was affected by the crap computer blackout was my ever-lovable PE session... i was so bent on fixing the comp myself one wednesday morning that i wasn't able to keep of time... so i rushed about, completely forgetting to bring my 'wardrobe bag' (that i prepared earlier that day) ... so what's the fuss of going to volleyball class without your uniform?! i couldn't go home and get it because i was pretty far already when i remembered (and we had quizzes that day -- couldn't afford to be late). so i opted to take a free day (damn, no more additional .25 for complete attendance!), thinking our PE prof wouldn't be giving a practical exam anyway. but i was so wrong. the next day, my 2 classmates (we're also v-ball groupmates) told me they had 2 practical quizzes -- tossing and service! what!? i missed a lot!!! i shouldn't have been so stupid to forget my garb that week -- i've never missed any PE session yet! so the week after was the last (whew!) meeting we'll ever have, and i'm to take the quiz that day. the fact is, i'm not gonna tell you why my absence was a blessing in disguise -- lest you want me to fail -- because i'm sure (happy) i'm going to pass this subject above 3.0, and no way am i going to smack balls in the near future!

4) papers, papers, papers
there's the projects too. but lemme start with these forsaken papers... i had 4 to do -- one individual, 3 groupwork (but division of labor doesn't mean i don't get to do anything!). i had the most unnerving time doing the individual paper since it had lots of specifications and whatnot. the framework (1st step, the 2nd step was the concept paper itself) took almost 2 weeks to get approved. so that left me with barely seven days to accomplish before the deadline! so i *lived* in the library for half of the time surfing the net (by the way, my topic was about fast food chains) and checking out needed books that went awol... meaning i'd have to make do with the semi-related literature. making the draft for the concept paper took me a whole night's rest, and revising the next day. (just fugged with translating my thoughts..) the outcome was crappy, but i guess it's still passable.

5) finals, departed-mentals, and that awful 'hem, hem'
how'd you like to go through the finals exam week with a terrible coughing fit? and be insomniac every midnight? and get woozy with alcohol-laced medicine? and feel drugged (no, high) in waking hours? ... it sucked that we had the cough epidemic in class and i got bitten by the bug (due to poor weather, poor aircon and poor ventilation) and for days and nights i couldn't live, eat, study, sleep well... it was, channeling simon cowell, "absolutely horrendous". i hate erkk-ing and phlegm-ing (new terms!) but i couldn't help it. right now it's comparably better and close to being well again... i mean after all the dough my folks have spent for my meds, they'd better be at least effective right? haha - i'm such a brat. as for the exams, i promised myself i'd study harder than the last time around... sometimes it's a tough thing to do... but now it's over! i believe i did good in most subjects... not sure whether to say the same for math and accounting (i wasn't confident with my answers) ... after the whole exam thingy, my friends and i went eating out! it was nice to spend time with em... laughing at the most mundane inanities. thankful, thankful... i'm just glad i was able to survive first year without any major sham... now, if only... (see next number)

6) the reckoning
yesterday was The Day when i had to put all my dreams into realization... it was the qualifying exam for accountancy... with all the pressure, the prestige, and the shortlisting (only around 1/3 of the entire freshman batch, or 500 in 1500 will be accepted) it was almost asphyxiating to show 'em what you're made of. delirious, even. for 4 afternoons i pored over my notes, exams, thingamajig -- droning over the theories and the computation formats to myself... i wouldn't want to complain. (i... want... to... pass...) and it was the first time i arrived so early in the campus yesterday -- 7:20 am, being such a lazy wuss for not getting a morning schedule. i didn't want to lose my mind studying minutes before the exam, but i peeked on some random lessons (just a little!) .. most of the time i sat in the assigned room, chatting with my classmates about stuff (good to know there's still familiar faces... the 'incoming sophomores' were arranged alphabetically), just relieving the tension. at about 8am the proctor came and we arranged ourselves, and after a while we clenched to take the first part of the QE, the english & logic examination. the english part was pretty average, but in logic -- total brain-wreck! haha... i had to brush up my skills of the whole 'valid/invalid syllogisms' stuff, which i have all but remembered... we were only alloted one hour. then we took the 2nd half for 2 hours -- the determinant exam itself. i couldn't say it was easy, but it was a bit of both. there were problems that took me 10 minutes to configure, some needed minimal solving, others were just plain hard. the theory part got me scrambling for my memory too, writing down 'hypothetical examples' to justify the overstatement/understatement of several sums. if you read my hypo-scribbles you would've laughed. imagine 'sales' being 10php, and 'net income' 2php only? =p and what is 'goodwill'? i took it was an asset... my fuzzy logic implies it was some sort of 'goodwill cash', like a sort of capital. there i go again, rambling!

i hardly slept this month, up to now... i must be an insomniac, unable to doze off easily, waking up at erratic hours and still can't sleep. it's crazy, considering the QE isn't the board exams yet! whatever the conclusion, i felt i did my level best, unconfident as i am. waiting for april 5th and more insomnia. heaven help me!

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